Mental health is becoming increasingly discussed by the general public, as it should be. This is a topic that should never be taboo! Through the years of infertility and loss, my husband and I learned a lot about ourselves and one another and how to take of ourselves and one another. We realized what mattered to us, what didn’t, what we wanted and what is meaningful in our lives. We, without realizing it, began taking better care of our mental health.

Having to navigate the ups and downs of infertility and 5 miscarriages took an incredible toll on our lives. Not to mention the PTSD and separation anxiety we experienced once we were pregnant and made it further and further each week. Some friends became disinterested and left, some stood strong for us when we couldn’t, and others stayed around to be nosey. We didn’t care who did what, what mattered was that we were okay and we loved those who were genuinely there by our sides (you can tell the difference between the ones in it for the info and the ones in it for you). I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t happy a lot of the time. I had 5 years of no babies, I had gained 50 pounds, and I had no answers as to why - I was angry. Until one day, I just wasn’t. I decided that there is absolutely nothing I can control and that no doctor was purposely hiding results, no nurse was betting against me, and those that loved us couldn’t help with answers - there was a bigger plan and I had to trust it. And just like that, I did… after 3 straight days of crying.

See, my husband and I were quarantined after exposure to COVID only a short while after we had experienced another loss. Against my better judgement, and the recommendations of everyone else, I refused to take a leave. I didn’t want to sit in my home and be alone, with no babies, and be reminded that I wasn’t going to have a baby. I didn’t want to get “quarantine depression”. Going to work at a school every day kept children in my life and kept me busy - I hadn’t grieved properly. So when I got the call that I had to quarantine, I was terrified.

I woke up the first day and cried… All. Day. Long. Then I did it again the second, and by the third, my lips broke out in fever blisters, my right eye had swollen shut and was red, and I my psoriasis had flared all over my body. I was physically purging my grief. On the fourth day, I awoke and felt like I had no tears left to cry. I finally left my bedroom and focused on my husband. I think a lot of people forget that he lost babies too, not just me. We pulled together and focused on ourselves, together.

It was the fourth day that I decided that I had no control and that I needed to just keep going and trust the plan whether I liked it or not. My life changed at that point. I started to do things for me and for my husband and I didn’t worry about what others thought, what they’d comment, or if they thought it was okay. I was living life for me. I applied to the Masters Program for Education at the University of Regina, we started doing more renovations on our home, and we went about life as we pleased. We even applied to have a billet live with us to bring life into our home and to help support the community.

Three weeks into my first grad class I found out I was pregnant and we now have a perfect little boy.

Life, as all you parents know, has only become busier but we still take time for mental health (HERE are some great lines if you’re needing options for mental health or new parenting assistance). It is more important than ever. For birthday gifts we as one another what would be relaxing or helpful. We take time to close the blinds and just watch TV and cuddle our baby. We go to the lake and do what we want to do rather than feeling obligated to do what others think we should do. We also let our friends and family help us. We tossed our pride aside and we ask for help. This is the biggest piece of advice that I can give any new parent.

LET. PEOPLE. HELP.

ASK. FOR. HELP.

Other people can hold your baby, watch your baby, feed your baby, and put your baby to sleep. It is okay to ask for help and probably best for your mental health.

To complete my graduate studies I need my parents. They watch my son 2-3 days a week so that I can dedicate uninterrupted time to finishing school work and getting ahead as best I can so that I can spend weekends and some evenings with my family and take care of them and my own mental health. I could not do this without them or my husband dedicating his Saturdays to daddying full-time while I’m in class.

What do I do for my mental health?

• I asked for help with my son so that I can complete schoolwork and run errands

• I NEED a clean home to not feel anxious so I take time to clean or clean when my son is with his grandparents.

• I go for walks

• I do not spend all of my time with my son. This is a hard one. I know it is healthy to have mommy time away from him and I know it teaches him that there are other people that love him and that he can trust. He’s well-socialized and well-exposed to germs now that he is older than a few months of age.

• I eat healthily. I planned to meal prep while I was still pregnant. In fact, I prepped a bunch of freezer meals so that I could continue to eat healthily and not feel bogged down with cooking once I had my baby - especially in those first 4 weeks when you cry over everything and feel like a crazy person (yes, that’s real). It was the greatest thing I could have done for myself. I also ate EVERYTHING while I was pregnant so that my fetus was exposed to all foods and I could eat nearly anything I wanted once he was born and he could tolerate it in my milk. It has been a lifesaver (EAT SPICY MEXICAN AND INDIAN FOOD WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT).

• I decided NOT to exclusively breastfeed. I pump and feed my son so that I can have a drink or spend a night away from him and whomever he’s staying with can still feed him with a bottle.

• I don’t let myself have mom guilt. I know that I am doing everything in my power to be an incredible mama to my little boy and nobody is going to make me feel bad about the choices I’m making because I know that I’m making them for my son and my family.

• Finally, we take our son everywhere. We don’t listen to when people say, “you can’t do that with a kid”. Absolutely we can! There are people that hike mountains and travel the world with babies, we can do stuff too! Find ways to make your children a part of your routine. Share your passions with them. Let them sleep in the carseat, on your chest (don’t listen to people saying you’re hand spoiling them, research has disproved it - IT IS NOT TRUE), or under a table at a wedding. They’ll be fine.

So when it comes to mental health it can take many forms and I do what works for me and my family. I choose to be a powerful mama who will show my son that a person can do anything they put their mind to if they just trust the plan and work hard. It took us 5 years to have this wonderful blessing of a baby boy and if I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be around to take care of him.

This is a GREAT read for those who want to read more about taking care of yourself as a new parent.

Tips for new dads

A healthy, happy mama (and dad) means a healthier, happier baby.

Take care of yourself.

Invented by a Canadian Indigenous woman by the name of Olivia Poole, the Jolly Jumper has been around since the early 1900s. Its design came from women needing a way to take care of and entertain their children while also being productive. I could thank this woman daily for her ingenuity and brilliance.

Like other toys and baby mechanisms, the Jolly Jumper has age limits and recommended-use guidelines. Until Kolter was 10 weeks old I had not done any reading about our Jolly Jumper and had yet to open the box. I did notice, however, that my son was beginning to sit with his head up for as long as he wished and even began standing up when we would do our pull-to-sit exercises with him. He was becoming restless by 11 weeks and so I started looking into using our Jolly Jumper. The age recommendation states that babies should be 3 months old AND can hold their heads up independently with full neck support. See more FAQs here. Kolter fulfilled both these requirements and so, the following weekend, we decided to give the jumper a try.

Some kids take time to get used to being suspended or being able to see things upright. Some don’t enjoy the jumper and even cry while in it due to discomfort (this is rare) or not liking to jump. Kolter was neither of these.

We placed him in the jumper and sat back to see his reaction. We want him to explore the world at his own pace and try not to influence his thoughts or decisions - yes, you can tell if you’re influencing them or not at a few months old. We didn’t want to make the bouncing motion, we wanted to see if he would initiate it on his own. He did and within literal seconds of being in it.

After a minute or two he was smiling, bouncing away, and even letting out a giggle or two. Our hearts fluttered seeing him so happy. We took a quick video and shared it with some friends and family. My husband’s phone rang and we were immediately met with backlash that he’s too long, he’s going to be sore, we better not leave him in there too long, don’t leave him unattended, he’s going to hurt himself being that young in there. Our hearts were crushed. I knew he was fine. I knew my baby better than anyone and he was happy and safe. There is no way we were going to leave him alone in it or let anything hurt him - we’re not stupid. I was initially upset but soon told my husband I didn’t care what others were saying because I knew he was fine and I knew I was a good mama.

My parents were so excited to see him in the jumper and asked for pictures almost daily. In fact, they even went out and bought one so they could see him in one when he stayed at their place. I was relieved. My parents were also believers in doing what you know is best and not letting others dictate your decisions. This is likely why I strongly advocate raising my son the same way.

After just a few weeks, and me telling others they were outright wrong about my son being too young for the Jolly Jumper, things calmed down and everyone could see how much he loved it and how strong he was getting from using it. One thought was crossing my mind though… how long is too long to be in the Jolly Jumper?

Different manufacturers hold different opinions on safe time limits in the jumper. Some say 20 minutes, twice and day while others say 15 minutes. But why so short? Kolter could sometimes jump for up to 45-50 minutes and yell at you if you tried to take him out earlier. Turns out, hip dysplasia is a condition that can be caused by babies being placed into carriers, exersaucers, and Jolly Jumpers for too long, causing their hips to be misshaped. It is also said to impede on the natural development of crawling and walking. Honestly, my mother said I lived in my Jolly Jumper and I’m completely fine. I know that someone has to be the statistic and I believe in doing your research, but I also believe that if someone falls into a pond because they’re playing Pokemon Go it should not be ban from the world because of one person’s stupidity or lack of awareness. So I consulted a friend who is a physiotherapist, we’ll call him Dan. Dan said that there are cases where babies develop hip issues due to being in these types of devices for long periods of time but, from his understanding and research, these long periods of time are 4+ hours a day, every day because parents use it as a parenting tool or leave children unattended and let them sleep in them. I plan to do none of the above. Dan suggests letting your child tell you when they’re finished but that 45-60 minutes at a time, no more than twice a day is fine and that he has never encountered such issues on that type of timeline. He also says that manufacturers need to “cover their butts” so they will always print the minimum time. I’m going with this recommendation.

We let Kolt jump to his satisfaction which typically lasts around 40-50 minutes and his times are usually once in the early afternoon and once in the late evening before his final feed and then sleep. He tells us if he wants to get out and sometimes it is as short at 10 minutes. We never leave him unattended and his last check-up (this week) the pediatrician said he looked to be very strong and that nothing was out of place or functioning improperly. We’re pleased to announce we’re not horrible parents.

Stay tuned for more jumping and other adventures.

Well, we survived! Camping with a baby turned out to be far less treacherous than I had anticipated. In fact, it went better than I could have imagined. I think my anxiety crept up because of all the unknowns and I felt that I hadn’t really prepared for the weekend in the midst of all the busy-ness we have going on in our lives right now, seeding, university, a newborn, etc. In the end, we are thankful it was an overcast weekend - wow, how your camping wishes change when you have kids.

The Drive

One downfall to our weekends is an aspect that I used to actually love - the long drives. There is nothing I love more than a Friday after-work drive in the countryside with my husband. It is peaceful, beautiful, and there are no distractions, unlike a long day of teaching. However, this time of year warrants large tractors, air seeders, and semis on the gravel roads and it causes them to become washboard-like or bare of actual gravel and replaced with boulders and potholes. These types of road conditions are less than desirable for anyone let alone a newborn’s tummy - cue the colic. We had discovered that Kolter became colicky from long car sides when he was just a month old.

Our little guy already struggles with some reflux (minor symptoms listed on this site) and colic issues. Kolt’s reaction is minor in comparison to what I’ve heard others experience - he just whimpers and fusses and needs to be sat upright and burped or needs to toot. Bumpy roads do not add anything valuable to those issues. Luckily, he sleeps when we are in motion whether it be in a vehicle, stroller, or grocery cart.

Setting Up

Once we arrived at the lake, and Kolter awoke, we had not anticipated what to do with him while we unpacked both vehicles (the initial camping trip of the season usually demands a haul that includes both our vehicles). We had been quite successful so far in our first few months with him when it came to being organized and on time for things. We agreed early on that we would both make a conscious effort to prepare for outings earlier so we weren’t the people who were always “late because of our kids” (we both despise being late). We knew that it wouldn’t always work but we were going to make the effort to try our hardest. Friday was one of those situations you just can’t predict and it ended up taking us 3 hours to get the camper set up, unpacked, and organized in comparison to previous years’ 1 hour. Kolt wasn’t fussy during that time but we had to make room for his travel bassinet, changing supplies, clothing, towels, cloths, hats, bottle station, etc. We also had to feed him during that time, change him, and there were moments he needed some settling. Thankfully, we had friends wanting some Kolter snuggles while we unpacked and organized. In fact, I purged a lot of unneeded items from our camper and completely reorganized our items to create a better functioning system for camping with a baby. I love efficiency and organization.

The Fire Ban Scenario

That first afternoon and evening included all the organizing, saying hello to our lake family, and making sure we had what we needed for our first night with Kolter at the lake. Unfortunately, there was a fire ban but thankfully we had our propane firepit. Of course, numerous people end up with “fire envy” and feel the need to stop and scold you for having a fire and being inconsiderate during a fire ban - the look on their faces when you inform them of the actual fire status is enough to bring you satisfaction that you don’t need to humiliate them further. It happens every year and those that don’t have the courage to stop and tell us we’re horrible people just call the park office and “report us”, by which point, due to repeated experience, we have already called ahead to let them know our site number and that we, in fact, know there is a fire ban and are having a propane fire and they are welcome to inspect it if they please.

A Surprise

We knew our first night would not be a late one, in contrast to previous years. We had become used to going to bed at 9 pm and we wanted to be prepared for anything Kolt was going to throw at us in the middle of the night in a new place. To our surprise, all the fresh air caused Kolter to sleep 9 straight hours the first night at the lake. I put him to bed at his typical 9:30 pm and he did not wake until 6:20 am. At first, I thought perhaps my husband had gotten up to feed him a bottle at his usual 3:30 am feeding time but it was clear my husband had not moved from his place of slumber, nor were there any dirty bottles or signs that a bottle had been prepped for consumption. We were in disbelief and also WELL rested. No complaints here!

As we guessed, getting up and going in the morning took a bit longer with Kolt. On the other hand, life without a child meant we normally never woke up before 9 am or surfaced from our camper until 10 am and we now had a headstart with our 7 am wake-up call from the bassinet. We realize that we are very fortunate to have a child that is content and calm. I attempted to have an incredibly calm pregnancy because I had heard and read (many Eastern cultures believe this) that those hormone levels could be transferred to the fetus. Whether or not this is true is up for debate but, in my case, it seems to have worked. We usually begin the day with one of us changing him and then bringing him to bed with us for some morning cuddles and then we all get up for the day together. My husband is a HUGE Moana fan (he’s a 5-year-old trapped in a 35-year-old’s body) so he put it on the TV in the living room of the camper for Kolter while we washed up, got dressed, and organized ourselves for the day ahead. Kolt also seems to love Moana (thankfully because the DVD is stuck in our player in the camper).

Jump for Success

Each day and night proceeded in the same way as the initial one. We are proud to announce that our little baby bear loves camping as much as we do so far. I took notes from some of the articles I shared in my previous camping post and packed some of Kolt’s favourite items. We knew we needed to bring the Jolly Jumper and were so thankful that we did. (I will have another post about the Jolly Jumper later this week when I have time for a bit more research).

Kolt loved being outside with so much to see and all the new sounds! We went for walks and explored everything we could, though he slept most of the time because a stroller in motion means he was asleep.

In the coming weekends, we will be building stairs and a deck for our site to make things safer and easier with a child. We cannot wait until the weather is warm enough to take him for swims and beach days!

Stay tuned for more adventures and lessons with Kolt!

This week started with my first official Mother’s Day as a mama. It began with brunch with all the women I’m closest to in my family (and my son- who dressed up for the occasion), followed by drinks and snacks on the patio at my house, and then a feast for all of us, cooked by my wonderful husband. The sun was shining, there was no wind (I have a loathing for wind) and we enjoyed one another’s company.

This was the day we also decided to have Kolter begin solid foods. If you haven’t seen the “An Avocado” Youtube video then you’re missing out on the humour of my title so I’ll link it for you HERE. The back story is that Jimmy Fallon challenged parents to give their children random home items for Christmas and film their reactions. This child was nothing but thankful for his avocado.

Back to our avocado! As my last post indicates, I have been consulting medical professionals and lactation specialists for weeks prior to this introduction of solid foods. I scoured the International Breastfeeding Centre website that was sent to me by Naida Hawkins, our province’s leading breastfeeding specialist and researcher, and found that some babies need solids even as early as three months if their hunger or nutrients is not satiated by their milk intake. If you’re not familiar with why we are considering solids earlier than 6 months you can read those details here. I have no desire to stop feeding my baby my milk but we have discovered he needs supplementation.

FUN FACTS

During all of this, I learned a lot of interesting facts about breastfeeding your child including:

1) Your milk will adjust to your child’s needs. If you are directly contact-feeding your baby OR you wipe their saliva onto your nipples then your body will read their saliva and adjust your milk to their dietary and immune needs, this is called salivary amylase. This can adjust when your baby has a growth spurt, is sick, has been exposed to toxins, etc.

2) Power pumping. I tried this. It slightly increased my milk supply but not enough to keep up with my baby’s needs. Because Kolter was showing hunger signs more frequently we assumed that he was perhaps cluster-feeding and so I attempted to power pump and direct-contact feed him to satiate him. This did help but not completely.

3) Follow your “mommy gut”. I could see that Kolter would watch us prepare food, drool when we were eating, stare at us while we ate, and even tried to reach for our items at times. I started looking up whether there were actual signs to watch for and, sure enough, those were the signs.

THE AVOCADO

Now for the food introduction.

We consulted a few sites and our specialist about what to introduce first as we had heard that pablum (ground baby cereal) was a great place to start. She recommended that if Kolter was ready to eat solids that giving babies actual food is far better, nutrients-wise, than pablum. As a nutritionist, I loved that. Foods that are nutrient-dense, sweeter, and high in natural fats and sugars were recommended to start with; avocado, bananas, and sweet potato. Each of these is also of a smooth consistency that can easily be pureed and mashed to avoid choking hazards.

Guess which one we chose?

I placed the avocado into the baby bullet and added some breast milk to loosen the consistency. I had read this during one of my 3 am pumping occasions and pinned it to recall it when my brain was too tired to retrieve the information from the back of my “mom-brain”.

My husband and I sat down with Kolter and fed him the first bite…

He was confused and unsure of what to do.

After 2 or 3 seconds and moving the mush around in his mouth he stopped completely and looked at me. I could see he was processing.

He began to enjoy it.

He ate approximately 1/4 of a cup of avocado without any issues, minimal spitting out, and made yummy grumbling noises the entire time.

He would reach forward for the spoon and devour what was on it each time I gave him a tiny bit more.

I was relieved that our instincts were right and that he was ready for this next step.

WHAT WE LEARNED

• Follow your instincts

• Consult multiple resources as there is so much information and much of it conflicts.

• Start slow and don’t stress about it.

• Our son, unlike his father, LOVES avocado.

WHAT’S NEXT?

There is research stating that babies should stick to one type of food for 2-3 days without the introduction of any others to ensure you can accurately monitor their response to each one. I stored the remaining pureed avocado in the Baby Bullet (linked is the updated version of ours) storage containers so that we could use the rest over the remainder of this week.

Next, we hope to try sweet potato as it offers many nutritional benefits such as vitamin C for immunity boosting, vitamin A for eye and skin development, iron, complex carbohydrates, and a sweet taste to increase the likelihood of success!

Finally, I have begun researching babies and being picky eaters. It seems that the more that is safely, and repeatedly introduced between the ages of 4 months and 1 year the more likely the child is to not be a picky eater. I am not yet comfortable linking information on this yet as I haven’t found sources I feel are credible and/or consistent yet but that is yet to come!

STAY TUNED FOR:

• 4 MONTH IMMUNIZATIONS (what I’ve learned from the 2-month ones)

  and…

• OUR FIRST CAMPING TRIP THIS WEEKEND!